Dana Romano's mom, Marilyn, headed home from the Dozoretz Hospice House of Hampton Roads in Virginia Beach on Monday evening after spending a few days in respite care while her family was out of town.
"The whole reason not to have my mom in a facility is we want her with us. But when you're doing long periods of time, every once in a while, you need a break, so having a place where you know they're going to take care of her and treat her like, almost like family," Dana said. "We kind of look at this more like a resort than a hospice."
Marilyn normally lives at home with Dana and his wife Karla and their children, and she wasn't a fan of going to the Dozoretz Hospice House.
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But that feeling changed a bit.
"They treat her like she's something super special and right away," Dana said. "Before I know it, she's pushing me out of the way, saying, 'You can go now' when she was complaining about going the whole way."
When at home Marilyn receives hospice care, but it's not because she needs care, the Romano's said. It's because she needs supervision.
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"She is at the point in her in her life where her cognitive is a little challenged, as well as being able to just walk around, she is a fall hazard, and my mom is as independent as they come," Dana said. "If you weren't there, she would be in the kitchen. She'd be out in the back, she'd be she'd be doing something she probably shouldn't be doing."
The family told News 3's Jay Greene this is a case where hospice does not mean end-of-life. It actually helped alleviate some stress.
"As a full-time worker, I was having to take off a lot of time to go home, pick her up, take her to the doctor, Miss that time of work, then take her back home," Karla said. "So being under hospice, everything now is coming to us, so that alleviates the time and the strain of getting her the medical attention that she needs."
Dana added to his wife's comment.
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"A lot of people think that their hospice has, like, a time limit, and it's not it's trying to make you comfortable until it becomes that time which could be at any point.
The Romano's told News 3's Jay Greene hospice is all about extending life as comfortably as possible, citing Former President Jimmy Carter who died at the age of 100 this weekend.
For nearly two years, the former president received hospice care.
"Look at everything he was still doing in those years of being under hospice," Karla said.
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Alan Varnson, the director of growth development for Riverside at Home, a division of the Riverside Health System in Newport News, said hospice care is for patients with a diagnosis or prognosis of less than six months, but it's not about hastening the end for a loved one's life.
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"If you're someone who is already medically frail or you know suffering other symptoms, being in the hospital is a very stressful time, and so when we get them back in their home and their environment, wherever they call home, and start treating them, we'll see improvement almost universal," Varnson said.
He said the shortest definition of hospice is "goodness" or "good medicine."
"It is not the abandonment of all other treatments, but it is a total focus on if there is any suffering, let's identify where it's coming from, and let's eliminate that suffering at the end of life," he said.
Varnson also considered Former President Carter's case, calling it a success story.
"You think about what President Carter was doing six months before he died, or even six months before he got into hospice," Varnson said. "He's on a roof building housing. There is no rule with hospice that you have to abandon everything else you do in your life and everything that brings you joy."
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Varnson told Greene that families must consider hospice earlier rather than later.
"I think the conversation between the patients and families, it's never too soon to have them, but unfortunately, it doesn't usually happen until the stress level is just through the roof when you've got somebody at the hospital and now we're all having to spring into action and break the speed limit," Varnson said.
Back at the Hospice House of Hampton Roads, Executive Director Victoria Crenshaw it's important that families educate themselves on hospice and consider services to support physical, spiritual and emotional wellbeing.
"We have experts who are hospice passionate individuals who know exactly what to do so the family can take a break and go out of town for a short period and recharge their batteries, so they can come back and continue providing care, or we can provide that end of life care that cannot be done at home," Crenshaw said.
The Romano's say they felt they started hospice care for Dana's mom at the right time.
"Now it's like ever since she's been in hospice, a lot of the situation, the symptoms and stuff that she was having, have really smoothed out," Dana said.
