HAMPTON ROADS, Va. — Domestic violence advocates say survivors of domestic violence are in the most danger when they are trying to leave the relationship.
News 3 explored the resources available to victims in Hampton Roads trying to leave abusive relationships. One local resource is the G.R.O.W. Foundation, a Chesapeake-based nonprofit that helps survivors.
The G.R.O.W. Foundation's founder, survivor-turned-advocate Neisha Himes, knows how tough it can be to escape domestic violence. She said she was emotionally and physically abused by a person she was in a relationship with for years.
“There were times when I needed help and I didn’t know where to turn,” said Himes. “There was one time I found the courage to call a shelter, and when I did, they told me I wasn’t in imminent danger because I wasn’t beaten that night.”
She said there are many barriers that make it difficult for someone in an abusive relationship to leave.
“Abuse is about power and control. And when that person is leaving or trying to leave, that perpetrator of abuse is losing their power and control,” said Himes. She said this can make the abuser more dangerous and put the survivor’s life in danger.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports the presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%.
The coalition says 72% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner and 94% of the victims of those murder suicides are female.
Robin Gauthier, the Executive Director of the Samaritan House,said survivors need to have a well-thought-out plan. She said sometimes, they leave and go back to the abuser because they struggle with finances or housing.
“You have to have a really good plan and a really good safety plan to keep safe,” said Gauthier.
Samaritan House has 14 different shelters that are not publicly known.
According to their website, they can help with the legal process, emergency and permanent housing, and securing protective orders, along with support.
“Everyone should know that if they make a phone call to a hotline or [domestic violence] program everything will remain confidential,” said Gauthier.
Gauthier said living in silence has proven to be deadly for many domestic violence victims.
“Silence is like fertilizer,” said Gauthier, “As long as nobody knows it’s happening and many victims are ashamed of what’s going on... they don’t want to reach out.”
Himes said help should come from the entire community. She said we have to think outside of the box to help victims.
“It’s having roundtable discussions with advocates, with business owners, with people in the community who don’t know how to use their talents or services to provide a survivor’s safety,” said Himes.
She offered the following examples: a handyman could fix broken walls or doors in a house, a business could donate used cell phones for survivors, or groups could donate food.
She also said it is crucial to continue providing help after the immediate crisis.
“We think shelter, food, clothing, but then what happens when the survivor is out of the shelter and doesn’t know how to balance their bank account, never got a G.E.D. and they don’t know how to interview, and they don’t know how to get to work because they don’t know how to drive a car? It’s more than just this neat little problem inside this neat little box,” said Himes.
If you need help, you can call the Samaritan House's 24-hour crisis hotline at 757-430-2120.
Experts also recommend calling the Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 to learn about more resources.
