NORFOLK, Va. — This is likely not the first story you’ve read about men and their mental health. I doubt it’ll be the last, either. But I hope this is one that sticks with you. It’s about why we, as guys, need to do better when it comes to standing up for ourselves. It’s about speaking up when something just isn’t right with us, even if the thought of asking for help is terrifying.
Joshua Banks is a big believer that men need to take charge of their mental health. It's something he had to learn over time.
"I think sometimes we don't, as men, we don't realize the small things that we don't sweat, it mounts to bigger things," Banks shared with me during a recent conversation.
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He agrees many men are conditioned from an early age that we just don’t talk about our feelings.
"Growing up, my dad was a drill sergeant,” Banks jokes. “So it was it wasn't a lot of emotions shared a lot of times."
Experts agree that needs to change.
Chad Hatchel is a licensed professional counselor with Thriveworks in Virginia Beach.
"Typically, we see guys sort of shut down, like it's not acceptable to talk about it,” Hatchel tells me.
I asked him to run down the top issues he sees men dealing with. He told me financial stress is a big one. Also, pressure at work, issues with a spouse or child, concerns about physical health, and one that truly surprised me.
"We see loneliness a lot,” Hatchel says. “A lot of men just talk about being lonely. This may have had something to do with the pandemic. I think we can all agree that that did not do any of us well, as far as mental health."
The COVID-19 pandemic brought about many issues for men, including a sharp spike in substance abuse. If left unchecked, the consequences can be deadly. Middle-aged men are more likely to die by suicide than any other group. If you notice something wrong with a man in your life, what should you say?
"Things like, I noticed this behavior, or how are you managing? How are you doing,” Hatchel suggests. “It seems really simple, but it's not that judgmental sort of response."
While loved ones can sound the alarm, guys, we have to be honest with ourselves.
“Sometimes the biggest lie that we tell is the lie to ourselves, like, 'I'm doing okay, I'll be fine,'" Hatchel says.
It's a lesson Joshua Banks learned. It’s one he hopes you will too.
"Try it,” he says. "And you'll be a lot more free."
The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is open 24 hours a day for calls and text messages. If you need help, dial 988.
