Valentine’s got you down
It makes your heart frown
Because that ex you had
Still gets you mad.
But it’s time to move on now
Let us show you how.
It’s Valentine’s Day, and for the lovelorn, you can turn your heartbreak into action. Here are three things that will make you smile — and help with animal conservation.
Feed them to a bear
If your ex was a jerk,
And you don’t want him back
You can serve “him” up
To a bear named Yak.
In Oregon, a rehabilitation center is offering a tasty way to help get over your ex. For a donation of $20, you can watch a 1,000-pound bear tear into a salmon with your ex’s name on it.
The Wildlife Images Rehabilitation and Education Center will put your ex’s name on salmon and feed it to its resident bears, Kodi and Yak. To document the moment for posterity, it’ll provide you with a special certificate and photos of the bears gleefully destroying your ex’s salmon namesake.
You may be heartbroken, but you can gloat with petty satisfaction for feeding two giant bears and raising funds for animal conservation.
Bug them to death
If your girlfriend dumped you
And you’re feeling blue
Feed “her” to a meerkat
At the El Paso Zoo.
Two bears wolfing down your salmon ex not gory enough? At the El Paso Zoo, you can name a cockroach after your ex — then have it fed to a meerkat as people gawk from all over the world.
Come Valentine’s Day afternoon, the meerkat exhibit will be decorated with all the submitted names. Then the animals will snack on the roaches as the ensuing carnage is livestreamed on Facebook and on the meerkat webcam. The zoo released a list of some of the names submitted this week. The doomed ex’s first name is listed on dark roaches resting on pink love hearts.
The campaign has been so successful, the zoo is not accepting any more names.
Other zoos are running similar campaigns — but not just for exes. At the Bronx Zoo, you can name a hissing cockroach after your Valentine for $15. Because roaches are forever.
Get them a snake namesake
Give me a break
Here’s how to get over
That inconsiderate snake.
If the other options won’t do it, there’s always a big bad brown snake.
Down Under, the Wild Life Sydney Zoo offered people a chance to name a snake after an ex for Valentine’s Day. Not just any snake, but a brown one — considered one of the most venomous.
“Is your ex a snake? If so, now is your opportunity to cement their ‘snaky status’ this Valentine’s Day by naming a brown snake after them,” Wild Life Sydney Zoo posted on its website.
Mark Connolly, general manager at the zoo, said providing someone unlucky in love the opportunity to name a snake after an ex will give them something else to celebrate on Valentine’s Day this year.
“Not only will you know that your ex has a snake named after them, but you will also receive a certificate and the opportunity to visit the snake for free every day for the next year,” the zoo said.
Participants filled out a form with details on why their exes deserved to have a snake named after them and made a $1 donation to a Wild Life Conservation Fund.
The zoo announced a winner Thursday afternoon local time, and said it raised $1,000 AUD (US $710) for wildlife conservation.
A woman named Tanya won the competition, the zoo posted on Facebook. Hello, Kevin the snake!